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*****WARNING**** For those of you who are sensitive, there is some language in this you may not appreciate. I found I could not say what I wanted to say with milder words. I tried using asterisks and hashtags, but they just didn’t do. If it bothers you, then move on. But, for those who are not sensitive – read on.
You are free to be an asshole.
You are free make fun of fat people. You are free to scream at gay men and lesbians to remain in their closets. You are free to proclaim on the air and in proposed legislation that women who use birth control are whores. You are free to change seats in a theatre when a Muslim couple sits near you. You are free to use terms like “retarded” and “gay” synonymously with “stupid” and “idiotic.” You are free to say that rape, adultery, and high insurance costs are the fault of women. You are free to blame poor people for being poor. You are free to laugh at people of a different color and race because they seem weird to you. And you can laugh at them publicly because this is a free country. The constitution guarantees that you are free to offend any and everyone you meet. I am certain that James Madison had you in mind when he wrote the Bill of Rights, protecting you from a Congressional Committee limiting your asshat behavior.
And while you can’t openly discriminate in the workplace or in housing practices or in business practices, nor can you assault anyone for your beliefs; you can say whatever you want as long as it’s your opinion.
And assholes shoot forth their opinions daily – loud and proud. This, in every way, is your right. There’s the “old guard” of assholes like Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman, Donald Trump, Eric Cantor, Pat Robertson, Westboro Baptist Church, and nearly everyone at Fox News who continue to spew intolerant assholiness. Hell, they get paid for it. But every day you add to your asshole numbers with new, freelance jackassery. Just these past few days we’ve seen Mike Jeffries of Abercrombie & Fitch say he doesn’t want unattractive or uncool people wearing his clothing, Rep. Kevin Cramer blaming our school shooting epidemic on “abortion on demand,” and a bunch of Virginians spouting off about the burial of a dead terrorist in their “sacred” soil. Assholes, it seems, can enter on the ground floor at any juncture.
Most people in our society are uncomfortable exposing their darkest prejudices for fear of retribution. You scoff at their hesitancy! You call them names like “pussy” and “liberal,” then you blame them for being “politically correct” and “polite.” You aren’t content to agree to disagree. No! You embrace your inner asshole and show him/her off to anyone who will watch. You know that the more outlandish your comments, the more play they will get. Being vilified by nearly every reasonable, well-respected, and intelligent person is a small price to pay for your fifteen seconds of fame (1).
Most of us who do not aspire to being an utter asshole like you, learned at an early age that if we act like buttheads and made fun of everyone around us, we’d lose friends. Unfortunately, buttheads don’t make good friends, even with other buttheads. They don’t cancel each other out, they just make each other miserable. We also discovered that no one wants to date a butthead nor do they want to work with one. I guess we prize relationships and careers more than we prize our freedom to be an asshole.
But not you. You don’t care who you hurt, who you drive away, and who you anger. In fact, reaction just encourages you more. You laugh at those silly on-line petitions to get you to apologize and change your ways. No lies have been told and no laws have been broken. No one can make you into a better person. You are and asshole and you have your rights.
So do I.
I have a right to spend my money in other businesses because I don’t like assholes. I have a right to vote against you in an election because I don’t like assholes. I have a right not to give donations to your cause because I don’t like assholes. I have a right to turn the channel, cancel a subscription, and remove myself from your lists because I don’t like assholes. And I have a right to tell everyone why I choose to do these things because, in my opinion, you are an asshole.
So, I won’t be signing any petitions about Abercrombie & Fitch, or Susan G. Komen, or Rush, or even my elected officials because you have a right to be an asshole. You don’t have to apologize for your asshat ways – and because you are an asshole you won’t. So why even ask? You should reap in full measure everything that’s coming to you.
You have the right to be offended at my offence. You are free to be angry and hurt – just as we are angry and hurt when you demand that this country discriminate against us. You can be offended that we call you assholes, just as we are offended when you call us whores, fags, wusses, pantywaists, lard-butts, and every racial slur known to the English language. Release your feelings and cry on the shoulder of your therapist all you want. Every asshole needs a good cry every now and then. It must be difficult to be such a jerk all the time – alone and unappreciated. So cry, baby, cry. It’s your right.
But your freedom to be an asshole does not limit my freedom to pursue a life without your influence. It does not preclude my right to ignore you, stand up to you, or (God forbid) expose you for the asshole you really are. I’m fairly sure James Madison considered that possibility, too.
So relish the freedom in being the asshole you choose to be. It’s your right.
And I will continue to strive for kindness, acceptance, and recovery in a world that longs for hope. I choose love – yes, to love even those who behave like assholes and hope that eventually some day they will work to build up rather than tear down. It’s my right.
Let’s see who’s standing at the end of this game.
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(1) Andy Warhol is famous for saying, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” Considering he said this in 1968, before the advent of the internet and multi-media platforms that invade our homes and business 24-7, I believe his number is inflated. In my opinion, fifteen minutes in 1968 is only worth fifteen seconds today.
“embrace your inner asshole” quote of the month!
We all have an inner asshole. Because we all create a lot of shit in our bodies and minds. The question is whether we choose to deposit our crap in a private environment (e.g., the prayer closet), or whether we revert to our simian ancestors and spray and throw that shit all over everyone else!
Amen,Terry! And you are right asshole is the only word that works!
A few of those you mentioned have had asshole transplants. Rush got Nixon’s, Michelle Bachmann got Dick Cheney’s spare, Pat Robertson got Falwell’s, and in an unprecedented move, Donald Trump’s asshole transplant rejected him.
[…] Gratefully, she is not in charge. And of course, she can say whatever she wishes to say. She has that right, even if she’s willing to deny this right to others. (See my blog “Free to Be…”) […]