To the man who yelled, “The president still loves you!” at me today upon seeing my “Love Trumps Hate” bumper sticker: Because you hollered at me from your car as you were driving away, I gather that you did not want to engage in a dialogue about the president, his feelings for me, or my feelings for him. I guess it was safer that way. One-line zingers have become the currency by which we pay for participation in our society. Still — I would like to reply, and what I have to say takes more than one line.
The Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön tells the story of a woman being chased by tigers. She gets to the edge of a cliff as the tigers close in on her. She looks over the cliff and luckily discovers a vine with which to climb down. As she’s descending away from the tigers, she looks down and notices that on the ground below, more tigers pace back and forth.
If you aren’t familiar with the billboard, a local group called the Parents and Friends of Ex-gays and Gays (PFOX) purchased ad space from Lamar Advertising for a billboard in the city of Richmond along the very well-traveled I-95 corridor.
Milo, the hero in Norman Juster’s book, The Phantom Tollbooth, finds himself on a fantastic journey in a strange land to rescue two princesses. He and his companions must go through extraordinary and sometimes dangerous territories to reach the mountains where the princesses are held captive.
Dorothy Day, journalist and co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement said, “Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer.” I’ll say it again: “Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer.”
For you “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of Christians, let me remind you what love looks like. Love looks like welcome. It looks like hands-on care. It looks like kindness without expectation of return. You cannot love people and at the same time keep them at arms’ length. Love requires vulnerability and openness. Love gets messy and isn’t always comfortable. Love can only manifest in relationship. Love does not and will never look like exclusion.
Recently, there has been a lot of political admonishment to vote for “biblical values.” Pulpits, radio ads, and television commercials are flush with it. We see it plastered on flyers, littering our mail. And most recently, the Billy Graham Evangelical Association placed a full-page advertisement in local newspapers reminding us all to “cast our ballots for candidates who base their decisions on biblical principles.”
During my year of major life changes (divorce, left job, started seminary, moved twice, sold old house, purchased new house, lost friends, made new friends), I began dating again. My ex-husband and I were together for eight years, five of them married. So I was a bit rusty. I dated a lot in college, but that was college with college boys and a college schedule. This was big-girl dating, and I wasn’t sure how the process worked in the big-girl world.